Boink Report: Septaboink 1996

Friday evening, 20th September 1996

Pre-boink drinks in London with Parvaze, Janet H, John W., Miriam, Peter Hicks, Ferret, at the Cittie of York in Holborn. Janet Holbrook was there with her camera. Followed by:

Saturday, 21st September 1996

Grand Prix Go-Kart Racing with Prize Champagne and Totally Gorgeous Babes, followed by a convivial evening in the Old Ship, Hammersmith. Here's what they said:

Dave Stratford:

Well, as a relative newbie to boinks, my only previous one being the Camboink in May, this was a fascinating experience for me. Finally putting faces to names and to conceptions of posters I'd received from postings was an interesting and amusing exercise. For example, Worlock was not what I had expected, though I'm not sure I could say what I had expected,

and Nick Sellors, despite being prompted to tell him so, really was taller than I had expected.

Anyway, for those not there, we all gathered at the karting place, where loads of people were milling around in boiler suits. Once the practice laps had finished the racing proper started - Tracey, very careless, to get black flagged on the first lap, and I understood you to be a good driver :)
John Wright, Charles Bryant and Dan Glover

Worlock, Nick Sellors and Timothy-not-Tim

Worlock, driving to err... victory?

Those of us going bowling left after about the first three or four heats, Sharon, Nuala, Martin Cooper, Dave Hough and myself, but when we got to the bowling, they'd lost the booking, most irritating. Nuala had decided to go get some fresh air while they were trying to sort our booking out, so by the time the rest of us left she'd vanished, as it happens, to see the film Emma in the multiplex right next door. Nuala, how was it? you were very non commital at first. The rest of us went to Pizza-Hut and stuffed ourselves!

Nick Sellors

What is he kissing?
We got back to the karting half way through the last race, with only Nick Sellors still involved - he didn't win of course :) (Came third actually, and the 'photo will go up on the web site!)
From there, Nick, and as it happens Tracey, buggered off early, but not together I hasten to add, and the rest of us made our ways, by various to Hammersmith. Nuala rejoined us at Park Royal underground while we were waiting for the train.
Lurking at Park Royal
- (L-R)Dave Hough, Corinne - at front,?,Wendy (well hidden), Worlock, Nick L facing away, Mimsy, and the Ferret.

Timothy train spotting!
He claimed he was writing a postcard ...

The pub we ended up in, The Ship, must have been a good twenty minute walk from the tube station! I'm not sure how many pubs we passed on the way, but if it didn't reach double figures, it was only just. On the other hand though, they did have so many different flavoured vodkas, you would have had to have been there to believe it.

A few more people were waiting for us here, Lizzy(sp?) Bryant, Nick Leverton, John Middleditch (sp?), Martin Bryant are the ones that immediately spring to mind - it is 12:30am as I write this.

Sharon & the Minotaur
The chocolate flavoured vodkas were a real hit, especially with Lizzy, who hates having her 'photo taken by the way and I was threatened with physical violence on a couple of occasions. Timothy (not Tim dammit) decided he was going to try and make some himself with a chopped up bar of chocolate in a bottle of vodka. I'd love to hear how you got on and whether it succeded Timothy!
Parvaze, Lizzy, and Timothy
Told you she don't like it!
  • Sharon Curtis: And I have finally met Lizzie!!! She lived up to every expectation I had of her, and more.

Got her!

Can't see the cap, but ...
The highlight of the evening had to be the 'prize wanker' awards from Miriam. I'm afraid I can't remember what the categories were. I also can't remember who got the boxer shorts, though he did wear them for the rest of the evening. Parvaze got a baseball hat, and Jill Russel got a tee-shirt for the geek of the evening award! And finally Worlock got a pair of skimpy knickers just for being warlock.
The food there looked wonderful, although having not long had a huge pizza, I didn't partake, but I was quite jealous :)
(l-r) John Middleditch, Geoff Northcott, Mimsy, Worlock (At rear), Janet Holbrook, Parvaze.

The rest was a lot of gossip and noise, although I do remember one fairly intense 'discussion' about speed limits. Charles arguments were being firmly rebutted by Sharon, Timothy and myself.

Dave wanted to get back home at a reasonably early time, so he, Sharon and myself left about half ten - fascinating discussion on atmospheric phenomena on the way back Sharon, can you dig out the details of that book for me please.

All in all, I certainly enjoyed myself, and I hope everyone else did, and when I've got the film developed, I'll try and get some of the 'photos up on the web somewhere. By the way, I've lost my camboink photos, did anyone pick them up anywhere? I've still got the negs so it's not a total disaster, and most of them are still up on my camboink web site.

Finally, thanks to Miriam for organising it, and to Dave Hough and Sharon for giving me a lift between High Wycombe and Hammersmith.

Dan Glover:

As a first-timer it was, um..., interesting. A few things I discovered yesterday:

Karting gets added to the long list of things at which I am crap, but I certainly enjoyed it and would do it again. I think I was just about getting the hang of it by the end.

I'm no better at the social interactive thing than I used to be - I must make more effort to introduce myself before people come up to me and ask WTF are you? (or don't, as the case may be).

In previous lives I have sold things to Dave Hough and extracted fines from Ferret for non return of library books.

There is a disproportionate number of people who post to who are originally from the UK but have New Zealand accents.

Not everyone is completely unlike one's expectations, but this holds true to a general approximation.

I am very worried by the observation (forget who said it) that I am/was yesterday of similar appearance to Nick Sellors. That we were dressed almost identically may have been a factor...

For those who were watching that strange film about the big plane and the little plane, I have no idea what happened in the end, but the TV write up in the local paper says it was the big one which was in trouble. This will mean something to about three other people.

After the ad-hoc meeting of uk.transport I see something similar is being proposed on there now. This will also mean something to about three others.

Pub food was good, regret I was unable to partake of the myriad flavoured vodkas or anything else much. Another time I may well leave the car safely at home, but it's been so long since I got well and truly plastered that I can't really remember what happens to me, so it might be best to practice first.
Many thanks to Miriam for making it happen. Strangely there have been no postings yet from any of those who went on to Camden...are they still boinking even now or just recovering?
Mimsy, Worlock, Wendy and Nick Leverton
off to look for a dance


What am I doing back at home as early as two in the morning after a boink? Good bloody question. AFAIK part of the boink is still going on in Camden Town even now, so I'm the kind of Jill-esque geek who would post a boink report of a boink that was still going on. However, I have been boinking since 6 pm last night which is enuff IMHO.

After downing about six pints of Dark Mild each me, Parvaze,, Nuala, John Wright, Janet, the Warlock and Miriam repaired (have I forgotten anyone) to the Savoy for the traditional wrecking of Parvaze's hotel room and reputation. We ordered up Christ knows how much booze and got utterly pissed. There was discussion of how people compare in uk.s and IRL, of which more later, and investigation of Pete's feet by, um, certain people. (Like with Trev last time). Then Parv pulled. Pulled what? Um, a bald photographer who lived in the next room. In due course we buggered off and left them to it :-)

Next day. I got up about 11 and went off to watch the kart race, in which the van Tongeren clan were bittely eliminated at the last minute from entering the semi final; because Trev had been In All Sorts Of Trouble When The Chips Were Down, and Colum Messed Up Badly. John W nearly did quite well but only Sellors got through to the final. Dilemma. Did we want a decent Kartmeister, or did we want to piss Sellors up? In the end we supported the sod, just as well because he came third and will be boasting about it for weeks (indeed, he has already started).

It turned out that the position of Oldest Acquaintance of The Ferret's had to be given up by Trev and passed to Dan Glover, who was at school with him.

Went to the Ship which sells Old Speckled Hen and by Christ if it hadn't been for you f***ing lot even I could have pulled in that place. However, I was preoccupied with revealing Linda the Lurker for the journalist that she must be :-) and avoiding Lizzie (Not hard, but others failed). I also argued with as usual on these occasions. Eventually I was moderately pissed, but not pissed enough to drink the foul substance that Nuala and the like insisted was nectar. It looked like industrial slurry IMHO. Still, chacun à son goût.

Worlock and Nuala

At about this stage in the proceedings was waking up and forging some headers to pretend that he'd stirred from his slumber, er, earlier. Eventually he ambled into the pub and was confronted with demands for excuses, which were feeble :-)

Jill tried to prove me wrong about something or other but, being Chief Geek, everyone just shouted "Geek". "GEEEEEEEEEEK!" and Miriam agreed.

Pub closed, some sods buggered off to a club in Camden and the rest of us went, er, home (except, who might have ended up anywhere). Even the wrecking of Parv's hotel couldn't be repeated because he insists on getting up early tomorrow and going gliding with John. I thought he had more sense :-)

Jill Russell:

Love the tee-shirt - do you wear it to school?
Snigglers will be glad to hear that I found karting yesterday a truly educational experience. Behind the wheel of my own car once more, I no longer take corners in a pussy-footing manner. The way of the champions is bold and positive; giving way is for the also-ran. I learnt some of this from first-hand experience, and the rest from cheering on Nick Sellors (who has turned out to be surprisingly tall) in the final. My one disappointment is that Nick s*dded off to drink his champagne by himself (another sign that you need to be ruthless to win). Also mowing the lawn will never be the same again!

Thanks particularly to Mims for arranging my tuition, and for Nuala for introducing me to chocolate vodka (can I buy this by the bottle, do you know?) It was really great to meet/remeet so many snigglers yesterday. We must do it again for Christmas. ChristmasBoink, anyone?


I discovered something called Nutella vodka. I didn't talk to enough people. I encouraged Lizzy. I made the mistake of believing an Aussie^H^H^H^H^H^H New Zealander knew what he was talking about. I may even have enjoyed myself.

Nuala just loves those chocolate vodkas!

Zareh Langridge:

With yet another boink under my belt, I think it's time to reflect on all that happened (if I can remember it).

I remember walking along the Lower Mall and seeing someone with a big smiling face bounding towards me. My heart was Geoff Northcott! He, Parvaze and Sharon were walking in the wrong direction so I got them turned round and we got to the pub to find Charles, Lynda and one of the Martins there.

Parvaze pulled the old 'They can't break my 50 pound note, would you mind paying for the drinks' routine (and I fell for it).

I was OK until I discovered the flavoured vodkas. I'm sure it was these that made me:
  1. Call Lizzy the 'Love of my life' and the 'Lust of my loins'
    • Paul Kinsler: It's probably just as well it was you and not me that did that.
  2. Have a deep and meaningful discussion with Geoff about the psychological significance of Miriam's trousers
    • Paul Kinsler: Eh? was there something remarkable about them that I missed?
  3. Try to talk to Miriam in French after only one evening class and after not having studied French for 14 years
  4. Walk around in a pair of boxer shorts saying 'Grab your nuts at Wanker's Corner' and feeling convinced that they would help me pull

Zareh, and those boxers

Er...that's all I can remember. Did I do anything else ?

Anyway, a big thank you to Mimsy for arranging it. How did the clubbing go ?


And in a final effusive gush regarding boinks -

Peter Hicks has very clean feet.

Janet is the Palace's favouritest person for bringing over a bottle of Pinot Noir and some Wanker's underwear, Sharon C. has the most lovely hug this side of the moon. Thank you to Ming Vaze for the invitation to the Savoy, and oh! many things, as numerous a his banking cards (too numerous to mention) that's right. Geoff for a pitcher of bloody Mary and being so interestingly fascinating, so intriguing, yessss........ (or Mary, pitch a bloody Geoff over here won't you, thank you, the ghouls are getting restless).

My one regret is that Scotty is back and I will never get a chance to shag him senseless.

I got given a small plastic tumbling toad yesterday (you press it and it does somersaults backwards), Worlock (Buffo monstrosis gargoylidae var morph) has (serious) competition.

I know the photographers missed a very god bit of action on saturday night and did everyone see the next Pamela Anderson (pre-chest expansion) standing by the jukebox????

Thank you all very much for turning up, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and if you didn't, here's a cabbage, boil it <snarl> :)

Take Care - see youse! Love and hugs from the Palace of Dubious Delights.

ps: I 'm going to be a champion Karter one day.

Mimsy and the Worlock

All At Sea at The Old Ship

Marc Donovan, ?, Doug Ritchie, John Middleditch (waving), John Wright and Wendy (back to camera)

Marc Donovan (back to camera), Dough Ritchie, John Middleditch, Nick Leverton (standing), ?, Janet Holbrook

Lizzie (back of head), ?, Jill Russell and Matin Bryant (no relation)

Graham Patterson:

Of course I remember Saturday night. The two in-flight movies were even more dire than usual, the food was probably rejected by the American military, sleep was elusive, and my bag took so long to reach the carousel I was beginning to think it had been sent to Frankfurt as threatened by the check-in clerk.

I'm just glad that this was one of the better airlines!

Now if I can just remember that drivers won't stop to let me cross the road...

Images variously copyright © Janet Holbrook and Dave Stratford, 1997

Up to Uk.Singles Home Page | Last updated 23rd March 1998
Nick Leverton (