This page was generated some time ago from the periodic Who's Who message posted to uk.singles by Pete Bevin. It's old ... one day, when we get a new Who's Who, I'll update this page as a record of who really was who. In particular, addresses and (especially) any relationships alluded to in the following should NOT be assumed to be current.
The data this list was generated from is Copyright 1995 Pete Bevin and may be freely distributed provided this notice remains part of it. Errors and omissions on this page are no doubt due to bugs in the script which generated it.
Working class Glaswegian with a chip on both shoulders. Doesn't like homos, communists, intellectuals or anyone who is popular. Hobbies include [consist entirely of] watching the telly (football, comedy) and drinking beer at the weekend. Extremely average looks. Terrible at smalltalk. Does not attend parties or any social functions. Bit of an outcast really. Being an exile suits him. Would like to be someone else.
Mark Birtwistle: Mr Ballantine has had not so much a charisma by-pass as a fully-fledged motorway. He likes to play the Devil's Advocate, indeed he probably is the Devil's Advocate if not, indeed, the Devil. In spite of this some of us find him very funny - which he hates.
Stephen Way: Scottish, resident of the Netherlands, married - and on uk.singles. Is this man confused or what?
Menya Wolfe: A man who has never heard the phrase, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything".
JJ Quick: A limp, failed Carl J Lydick wannabe. Of no importance whatsoever.
Moose: Intelligent, witty, likeable and funny. Very good at winding people up. Would probably make a good politician.
Paul Carpenter: Hopefully will go the same way as reported of brian6
Generally genial, gesticular, Gemini geisha-geek.
Nuala Fahey: Can be relied on to be late.
Menya Wolfe: Looks a bit like Pete Bevin, but taller and darker.
Pete Bevin: Hey, sometimes *I* get confused about which of us is which.
Kay Dekker: One of the best people in the world. Charming, witty, intelligent, and tall enough.
Paul Clarke: Theorem A: Thinks he is a moose or knows a woman who does or is often mistaken for a man who knows a woman who thinks the other man is a moose or...
Ed: I've met him, hugged him and threatened him with grievous bodily harm. He kept smiling all the way through the ordeal. What more can I say about this marvellous super smashing lovely man?
Moose: The man of my dreams, and a wonderful kisser.
A mean, moody and mature ex-Army officer in his early 30s who is quiet, shy, serious and introvert. Interests include aeroplanes, movies, large motor-cycles, rock music, playing guitar and winter sports. Looking for young, attractive and intelligent breeding stock for the long-term benefit of the human race.
Chris Wain: What we want to know is which female singler REALLY gave him the eye.
Moose: More famous for his comments about seven-year-old girls than his comments about lying naked in fountains, Mark is indeed shy, serious and introvert. He also introduced the word "schadenfreude" to the group, alienating the entire Dutch readership.
Joanne Dicker: A Peter Pan with street credibility. The sort of man my mother would have warned me about if she hadn't been too busy rescuing hedgehogs and stray cats. Archie Ballantine Has a reputation as a chummy, matey sort of guy which is at odds with the fact that he once put a death curse on me and my immediate family: thereby doubling his popularity on UK.SINGLES overnight. Deserves a more dangerous adversary than me. Does a lot of good work for charity but doesn't like to talk about it. Has a dubious career in the Armed Forces which he also doesn't like to talk about. Gets on well with children.
Paul Clarke: A remnant from a bygone age, when Tiger Moths ruled the skies and honour was everything
Menya Wolfe: A man with something to say on every subject, and the only current poster to visit me in my natural habitat.
John Critchley: The best man I know.
Lightbulb joke collector extraordinaire. Vegan. All the rest of my details put together look like a very promising singles ad.
JJ Quick: The most pompous, irritating, smug, conceited, self-satisfied, nauseating nerd on the net. Creator of a succession of pathetic attempts at humorous signature files, none less than 38mb long. A living advertisement for compulsory sterilisation. Considers himself the only true vegetarian alive.
Paul Carpenter: Sends rude pictures to my cat. (Lightbulbs are pornographic to cats!)
Paul Clarke: Never knowingly understated. Second at dead horse flogging only to the great Ges Hu of soc.singles
Mark Birtwistle: A widely-misunderstood Richard Gere lookalike who is quite definitely not cruel to gerbils and other burrowing rodents. Ironically, in spite of his veganism and affection for our four-legged friends, he would be considered by many to be a living breathing argument for bloodsports...
Steve Way: Table-tennis maestro and chess athlete, grew older and wiser and vanished in a puff of logic.....(I think I deaded him, I didn't mean to).
Far too serious, works too hard, hasn't a speck of humour... that anyone else would recognize, and those are his good points. Has a tendency to use the least excuse to head off on anything that sounds remotely like an adventure, and isn't at all certain how he ended up doing an MBA and living in England.
Words alone can not describe me, I have to be seen to be believed, not that anyone believes me anyway. Oh well, I've got to do something to make myself appear mysterious and interesting.
Moose: Boink-organiser extraordinaire, OxBoink Best Bum winner, and rather cute, so I'm told. I still long for the old, angst-ridden version, though... Archie Ballantine Best known for being Sue Macron's better half and for 'organizing' a so-called boink for himself and his sycophantic friends and assorted toadies. Has nothing much to say for himself these days.
JJ Quick: Where's he got to these days then?
Paul Clarke: His postings, although infrequent, are like a reverse charge call from God
Sad enough to create user names for his cats.
Moose: Has a lodger called Damien who has '666' tattooed on the back of her skull. This, I think, says it all. The man gives me the willies.
Menya Wolfe: Do not trust this man any farther than you can throw him. If he hands you an unmarked package in public, don't open it until you're alone.
Rudi: A damn fine piece of pussy when you're feeling hard up
Gollum: Makes a lot of noise when roasted
Dopey: He is just a tease..
Clumsy: Stood me up for a night on the tiles, (BTW Dopey is a tart).
Chris Wain: Just the sort of woman that Fifi always warned me about. Elle est magnifique, mais elle n'est pas guere....
Joanne Dicker: Every time I open a bottle of white wine I think of Jan.
Paul Carpenter: Jan & Fifi where are you, we all miss you.
Born with an electrical screwdriver in his mouth. Thirtysomething. A typical Gemini with all the trimmings. Has two very bright, playful and neurotic cats that are in no way an extension of his own personality! Horribly practical but a frustrated inventor at heart. Resourceful, creative, intuitive, frisky, controlling, sometimes obsessive and quite mad. A therapy, natchos and aerobics junky. Lives in London whilst pining for the Yorkshire Dales.
Moose: Paul and his alter-ego, Gollum, are two of the most welcome recent additions to the group, even if Gollum did eat my cat Tiddles.
Mark Birtwistle: A former member of a decidedly second-rate university who has developed the habit of randomly distributing apostrophes around the net...
Menya Wolfe: I can never decide whether or not to feel sorry for his cats. Wendy Taylor: Good at rubbing it in.
Chris Wain: Probably the group's only real expert on shags.
Menya Wolfe: An interesting combination of rugged and shy.
Moose: One half of the first uk.singles engaged couple. But she's not naming names...
Archie Ballantine: Well-rounded personality. A real tart with a heart. My favourite AOLer.
Paul Carpenter: Named the day, and oh so itchy posting fingers, or is it me ;)
Menya Wolfe: Possibly the most geographically distant poster, and proof that the sun never sets on uk.singles.
brian6: Is this supposed to be a man or a woman ? I think we should be told.
Thinks that Sean Connery is the most sexy man I have ever set eyes on.
Moose: What can one say about the man?
Menya Wolfe: Looks like Puck, acts like Puck, but his magic is limited to computers.
Paul Carpenter: The cross that Kathy bears!
Chris Wain: For she is such a smart little craft, Such a neat little, sweet little craft....
Moose: Does an *amazing* trick with a cocktail parasol.
Menya Wolfe: If you filmed her in action, then played it back in slow motion and black and white, she'd look like the rest of us. You rarely meet anyone so consistently bubbly.
Joanne Dicker: Blissfully happy not being single. Has a very vibrant personality.
Accusare nemo se debet. However: a permorphous polyvert, fond of the grape, the gripe, and the grope; should anyone ever discover the grepe, Kay will probably enjoy it too (the grupe is in abeyance until the sixth of May). May be enticed with chocolate, olives, pickled chilies, redheads, Sanskrit, Glass, Nyman, Jan Garbarek, or other fun things. "A smile, a song, and a strange apparatus" (The Stage). Tall enough.
Morph: Mad, bad, and really quite fun to know. Not yet over the hill, despite reports to the contrary, but probably beyond the pale. Oh, and he's a wombat fan. No, I don't know why.
Chris Wain: A universally attractive person. Studying to be an abbess.
Archie Ballantine: Kay (double dutch) Dekker is fond of plagiarizing and corrupting other peoples ideas and then pretending they are his own. Apart from that I can't think of anything else good to say about him/her.
Paul Carpenter: Either Kay is VERY small, or he has a height fetish.
Nuala Fahey: Perfect. One of the many people I want to kidnap and bring to Ireland.
Paul Clarke: Exudes more chemistry than anyone else I almost fell in love with
Menya Wolfe: A really lovely person who has left a long trail of broken hearted men. The man who ends up with Kay will be truly lucky. And possibly somewhat surprised.
Ed: An absolute tart and knows more about latex rubber gloves filled with Baileys than was ever advisable for mere mortals. Made fun of me because I don't like tea. Bruises easily.
Owen Conway: He gets younger and younger every year. I mean, I still think he is 25... Living proof that life is supposed to be fun... Wendy Taylor: Excellent at giving you the advice you want to hear
Talkative Scots woman who works down south. Has many recipes for chocolate desserts. Young and single with very expensive tastes.
Moose: Joanne used to be shy, quiet and reserved. However, exposure in her early twenties to a picture of her mother with a hedgehog soon changed that. Currently living in close range of a large number of kids. Every time I think of Joanne, I open a bottle of wine.
Menya Wolfe: I didn't know you could *do* that with chocolate.
Quiet, introvert. Tea total Geordie. Misrepresented by slander after Yorkboink.
Menya Wolfe: Yeah, right.
I'm just adorable. Take my word for it. To know me is to love me, to irk me is to be tortured with wild enthusiasm, and to use the B-word in describing me is to merit instant agonising death. Really I just want to be loved.
Morph: Ok, I'll risk it. Bubbly, sometimes positively effervescent. Great company, and a great fan of Calvin and Hobbes, but has less than great taste in chocolate (prefers Cadbury's Fruit'n'Nut to Green & Blacks...). Occasionally psychotic. Moose: Shares a house with Morph, which probably explains a lot. Ex-St. Leonard's, which explains even more.
Now unemployed and looking for a job that doesn't involve turning her brain off. May be going back to college next year - in which case will be a mad geneticist again. Looks a bit like Thessally in Sandman.
Moose: I wouldn't dare say *anything* about her...
Archie Ballantine: Irish but nevertheless born in Ireland. Pretentious and poor. Not nearly as interesting as her name would appear to suggest. Young though and very willing. Has difficulty developing an attitude.
Kay Dekker: A better person than she lets on. Prone to forgetting about time zones after drinking with Piglet, but what the heck... I only wished she lived nearer to me. Tall enough.
Steve Way: The stuff of my dreams......worryingly.
Ed: Please can somebody post her to me in a box tied up with green ribbons. As soon as possible.
Chris Wain: Lives in a Gloomy Place - but, of course, he doesn't understand that reference. Succeeded in making a temporary escape to Oxford - The sudden transition Was simply Elysian.
Menya Wolfe: Tragically abducted and brainwashed by the Dark Side from an early age, there is little hope for Andy.
Country dancing enthusiast seeks Dashing White Sergeant for a bit of Strip The Willow and maybe more. Gay Gordons need not apply. Must have own SOFA, preferably a chippendale, if you see what I mean!!!
Lancelot the All-Knightly: I luv her, i luv her, with furver unseizing, i wership and maddly adoor....
Joanne Dicker: Has a strong aversion to swans. Hopefully this won't put her off Chris.
Steve Way: Words fail me.
Moose: Probably the most gorgeous, sexy woman on uk.singles. Still needs apostrophe therapy.
JJ Quick: A goddess, whose children I wish to bear.
Paul Carpenter: If she moves into my area, I will should be able to get a Council Tax rebate.
Unlike Sharon, I have no objection to being called a bird. An elegant fowl with the wingspan of a cheese-plant.
Chris Wain: A lateral toxophobe.
brian6: Not the posting god. I am.
Ms Katherine Louise Hudson MSc PgD BEng (Hons) (well if you've got them flaunt them). DOB: 23/12/66 - drinks welcomed. Height: 5'5". Weight: A little less than last week (Honest). Looks: Light brown hair. Brown eyes. Sometimes wears glasses, well I'm supose to when reading / using computers, but my glasses can normally be seen on a table. Likes: Meatloaf, CHOCOLATE! (especially those made by Thorntons), Meatloaf, Clannad, Meatloaf, Boston, Meatloaf, Enya, Meatloaf, Oh and Have I mentioned I like Meatloaf? Hugging people, I greet all my friends this way, get lots of funny looks though! Bagpuss, Trumpton, Camberwick Green, Mary Mungo and Midge, Bill and Ben, Muppets, The Simpsons (Well, there's got to be some reason for having kids!) Dislikes: Working!!!! Sexist remarks. People who after I tell them I'm an engineer, say 'well I would have to take my car to a garage to be repaired'- Im an engineer NOT a mechanic. Football!!!! Sport - especially when I'm having to do it...
John Critchley: Worth her weight in gold.
Moose: Worth her weight in chocolate mousse.
Paul Carpenter: Bears her cross of John very well...
A New Zealander in Sheffield. Physicist. In no particular order - runs, swims, dances (Ceroc), plays football, goes to the cinema, IRC's (haberman) , and other stuff I cant be bothered to type in right now. Those who want to know more can be disappointed by my hastily written and unfinished web page at http://www.shef.ac.uk/misc/personal/pk/
Moose: Antipodean, and winner of the "Best YorkBoink Quote" prize for "It's not much of fetish if you can control it".
Kay Dekker: Cute accent. Tall enough.
You average eccentric. reads alot (at least a book a day); enjoys walking and Skiing. Never uses one word more than necessary. Techno- fanatic; Once described thus: "If Richard were a pencil it would be covered in flashing lights."
JJ Quick: One day CJL will find uk.singles, and the Brian6s & Ballantines of this world will be blown away, like so much dust. A usenet rottweiler. Has never ever admitted to being wrong in any way, always has the last word, and has a fine turn of phrase to boot. They should name an airport after him.
Tall. Dark. Bald. Beard. Glasses. Monosylab... Damn!
Menya Wolfe: Very shaggy, with a dry wit that has served him well. Probably travelled second farthest to get to the YorkBoink.
Kay Dekker: A wonderful person to chat with over pizza. Excellent dry wit. Tall enough.
Paul Carpenter: Much maligned about his work habits, by his colleagues, I am sure it is not true?
Keeper of the Scandal. Passions include Flanders and Swann, Tom Lehrer, Fascinating Aida, cocoa derivatives of most kinds, caffeine, Pope John Paul II, Peter Greenaway, Peter Cooke, Mabel Figworthy, Michael Crichton, Tom Clancy, Parma ham, and the Love Lemur.
Chris Wain: An invaluable contributor to uk.singles. Why, his lightest comment is worth a thousand puns a line.
Menya Wolfe: A man who knows how to appreciate the finer things in life. Excellent taste in chocolate and women. One of the finest, most upstanding members of uk.singles.
Joanne Dicker: Likes dreadful puns and chocolate. Tries to remove his clothes at parties. Makes the most lethal gin & tonic I have ever tasted - I count myself lucky that I can remember the experience. Rumoured to have a penchant for goats.
John Critchley: I am not sure about his hair.
Paul Carpenter: Founding memeber of Cocoa Derivatives For ALL Occassions, also has strange attraction to one of my cats..
Nuala Fahey: Amazingly enough still talks to me despite the fact my reaction to the first email I ever got from him (praising a post of mine) was to accuse him of horndogging me.
Paul Clarke: Theorem B: Inverse of theorem A
Steve Way: Knows his chocolate. A splendid chap, without whom the group would be the poorer (by three).
Kay Dekker: A very strange man indeed. Much like his sister, only more so. He who supplies my regular _Sandman_ and _Invisibles_ fix. Intrinsically wicked, and has been known to nibble appreciatively on my hot nuts. A most excellent Vampire GM. Tall enough, but plays hard-to-get very convincingly.
Ed: For heaven's sake, James, CHEER UP!
Owen Conway: He needs more faith in himself. He just hasnt grasped the concept that he is a nice guy... Moose: Shares a house with Ed, which probably accounts for a lot.
Archie Ballantine: The man you don't say no to. Strapping big Turkish lad with an insatiable appetite for sex and baklava. The only person I know who has the cheek to go into a drugstore and ask for extra large condoms. Occasionally supplies me with freshly roasted pistache nuts and lokum (Turkish Delight) so I can't say too much. Bit too popular for my tastes, but okay really.
Moose: Inspired a new word on uk.singles: Adnanism, the art of nearly getting there, but not quite. Tarred with Archie's brush, probably wrongly. JJ Quick An idiot. Thinks because he has a rich uncle that he's somehow achieved something. Clearly an overbearing, chauvanistic slob who will ride through life on the coat tails of others. Possibly insane.
Mark Birtwistle: A friend of Archie Ballantine's which makes him sadder then the saddest flea infesting Baldrick's sad parts. His friendship with the Jabbering Jock has prompted Bureaucrats in Brussels to create a new socio-economic group, Z triple minus, of which Kashoggi is the only recorded member...
A velvet fist in an iron glove.
Menya Wolfe: Incredibly tolerant and perpetually bemused, with a real gift for art photography. Likes to watch.
Paul Carpenter: The mentioning of ANSI C within earshot of Graham and in mixed company can have disasterous effects.
The best rider, drinker, and kisser in the kingdom. Y'all don't know what you're missing.
Paul Carpenter: Me thinks the man is a little too modest.
Kathy: Real name: Parminder Mandier. Nicknames: Smiley, Mr Finney, Sharky, Sonic, Teddy Bear, Sexy Bum. Weight: Too heavy for the scales. His weight bust them good and proper! Looks: at anything in a skirt. No seriously He's Dark with a short spikey hair cut (hence the name sonic). Likes: emailing any female. TRN addict. Driving / crashing his car. Driving everyone who knows him completely and utterly bonkers. Reading poems off trn and then mailing the soppiest and sloppyest poems he finds to poor unsuspecting users. Barn dances. Cider and Black. ('orrible stuff, shows signs of total madness.) Being called a grease monkey. Dislikes: People that annoy him. (thats just about everyone). Girls that wont date him. (that really annoys him) Being called teddy bear / Sexy bum. (unless you are female and prepared to date him).
Kay Dekker: A very strange man indeed. Not quite tall enough.
brian6: Her reputation has suffered somewhat due to her association with 'Anyone fancy a shag ?' Susan.
Moose: Nice company name...
Paul Carpenter: Sad enough to send email to cats. Also misses Paula Vaske, desparately..
Red haired and freckled Canadian expat (yes I am inept with a knife) who has made her bed in the UK and is now lying in it (in Warwick, I just work in Coventry); a bookworm, who also plays bridge and badminton; skis, sailboards and dances all night when opportunity allows; fond of the amber nectar and dry white wine.
Moose: There is a whole branch of astrology devoted to interpreting Wendy's freckles.
Kay Dekker: One of the joys of Coventry University. Far too sane and reasonable to survive working in our Computing Services department. Tall enough.
Gollum: Does a nice line in matching liveware consumables
Steve Way: Adored by freckle fans everywhere, deserves the best of all worlds, despite giving up a new one for an old one.
Owen Conway: This woman should rule Computing services. She seems to be very patient, especially when it comes to bickering students. If Kay likes her, then thats ok by me.
Menya Wolfe: Knows how to use the wide-eyed innocent look to devastating advantage. Unfortunately addicted to pleasures of the flesh.
Moose: Looks (even) better in real life. Certified bunny hugger. Certified un-single. Hung like a horse. GSOH. Highly employable. All my own work.
Joanne Dicker: Incredibly young and innocent looking. He isn't though.
What she says about herself (some chance!):
Chris Wain: She came. She saw. She fled.
Moose: The first article I noticed from her was the "I've had enough, I'm leaving" post. Most curious. I suspect this is all part of a plot to confuse the group into thinking time is going backwards.
Paul Carpenter: Has a whole branch of psychology named after her the PV Syndrome..
6 ft, young Mr Gladstone lookalike, non-smoker, loves to quote Gilbert & Sullivan because it saves original thought, still seeking the ultimate question to which the answer is 42, single (or at least he was last time he looked). Ambition is to exchange e-mail with someone on every continent on the planet - Oates, can you hear me?
Moose: Excellent sense of humour. At least he only makes current puns. Reportedly has charming young ladies staying with him from time to time.
Menya Wolfe: A definite character, and most at home in his jester's costume. Can quote more G&S lyrics than I've ever heard, and will travel just about anywhere for a boink.
Joanne Dicker: Our resident knight in shining armour. I'm beginning to worry about his Zeus complex however.
Paul Carpenter: Well Chris, he's just this guy..
Thirtysomething mountaineer and rock climber who is better at falling off than climbing. Has two wonderful daughters and one horrid grasping selfish vindictive scheming harridan of a (now very) soon to be ex-wife. Not bitter. No no no no noooo. Shares life with two cats and their owner(?), so not single again anymore. Lover of life, mountains, chocolate, the grape, the grain and the hop. Beneath comment by everyone else.
Gollum: I'll get round to your daughters when I've finished with Wendy's.
Paul Clarke: Into heavy metal(s). Likes his bitter but isn't bitter. Probably a great person to have on your team in one of those competitions where you have to get someone across a ravine with only a ball of string, a couple of Squeezy bottles and a roll of sticky backed plastic.
Wendy Taylor: Often seen holding the magician's balls
Paul Carpenter: Cat lover extraordinaire and part time Vegan slayer.
Paul Clarke: So near and yet so far
Chris Wain: Surrounded by comics and beloved by all but dentists.
Kathy: Fancies his chances with all the females on the net. He thinks that all of them want to kiss his mailbox! Likes: beer, trains (oh boy, does he like trains. Unless you've got a spare few hours don't talk about them), TRN, Dressing up in pilot suits. (especially those with all the badges on them) - well he likes uniforms (Kinky), Bananarama, Meg Ryan. Dislikes: Lecturers (especially those on his course), Kathy (well wouldn't you if she wrote this lot about you), CARS, being called silly hat (thats what I had in my buddy file), Gossip (especially if it's about him)
Kay Dekker: Strangely, considering he's local, I've not met him, and so I can't tell whether he's tall enough.
Owen Conway: I've seen him, but not spoken to him. The word 'scary' is one that leaps out at me... He wears a camouflage jacket....
A medievalist trapped in a country with no medieval history, a left-wing idealist with right-wing tastes, currently neither in the UK nor single (although I'm doing my best to change part of that).
Chris Wain: A long-haired Viking beauty who is unfortunately geographically-challenged (to everyone except the mounties). Said to have wide experience of wierdos, but compared with the average uk.singles poster they all seem boringly normal. Could be recommended to any museum curator who was seeking an interesting exhibit.
Joanne Dicker: Makes a very good Viking and plays the harp too.
Archie Ballantine: Another champagne socialist with an inflated opinion of herself. Still pining after her lost love. Likes to put it about a bit. Was once rumored to have stayed celibate for a whole day. Favourite wine: "I wanna go to Miami!!!!".
Moose: One of my favourite posters on the group. I quite like her articles, too...
JJ Quick: Wish I'd gone to York. If Bella's foal is a filly it will be named Menya.
Kay Dekker: Another person who lives far far too far away. I would consider abolishing the Atlantic if it meant that we could see her more often. Tall enough.
Paul Carpenter: She that has launched many a chocolate thread, and is partial to only certain types of orange. Has a very strange new fascination with multiple willies :-^
Paul Clarke: Working on her thesis: "The grand unification theory of moose nesting, chocoholia and cat care for beginners". Also great to talk to at 03:30 in the morning.
Page last generated: Sat Jun 10 23:16:53 BST 1995